Anything Could Happen

Mercedes thinks I’m a “caffeine addict” and to be honest, she probably isn’t wrong. But three K-cups realistically equals out to one real cup of coffee sooooo I beg to differ. I also just happen to enjoy the taste of both coffee and energy drinks. She told me I can’t drink any energy drinks around the children. That’s fair. Sure. But, I’m not a big fan of being told what to do and I’m not really sure how she expects me to wake up at 7AM and take care of anything at all, especially a human being, if I can’t occasionally drink a Redbull in the morning… although I barely drink Redbull at all because I’m more of a white Monster kind of gal. But the drink that sparked this demand was the first energy drink she saw me consume at all and was a new one that I saw randomly at a shop and I enjoy trying new things, especially beverages, and this beverage was only one euro. It was covered in cute pink designs and the word “zen” was written on it so I’m real sorry (only I’m not) but I had to buy it because I had to try it and I’m glad I did because it’s bomb. Plus, the daily siesta is really throwing my sleep schedule off so caffeine is not only delicious, it is absolutely and completely a necessity.

The night before this conversation took place was a Monday and she became a little frustrated with me because Juan was eating plain tortilla chips and he didn’t eat any fruit beforehand. The children and I were also watching television and she apparently wasn’t into that as well and preferred we had gone for a walk, although it looked as if it was going to rain and it was a bunch of back and forth between me and the kids about going outside anyway. I explained to her that she needs to set up solid expectations on what she wants us to do each day because otherwise, how am I to know? Some days when the parents have been home, I’ve noticed that the kids are able to eat whatever they want and it’s perfectly fine for them to watch TV all day. How come all of a sudden this was an issue on this Monday? How am I supposed to just know what days it’s fine to hang around and watch TV and which days it’s not? It’s still summer and the children don’t begin school for one more day so why not just kick back and relax before reality hits?

Also, just throwing it out there - I never agreed to whatever has been happening anyways - an all day babysitting affair. Sure, I am okay with babysitting while the parents are at work as they have started their school year earlier than their children BUT the agreement was to prepare breakfast for the kids and bring them to school then pick them up and teach/babysit from 2-5. So I’m actually unsure how 4 hours of work turned into an all day affair anyways. I haven’t brought this up because I’m okay with going with the flow, I understand that it’s still summer, and I’m enjoying getting to know the family and my surroundings. But I’m not okay with people not expressing their expectations and then getting frustrated when these non-communicated expectations are unmet… Let me know and I’ll act accordingly.

These are just small things and they truly don’t really have all that much impact on my decision to leave. I have been in my head about leaving the past few days in general and I think this lack of communication is just what finalized the decision for me. I love love love this town, it is so super cute and most definitely romantically picturesque so I am happy and grateful, as I always am, for my experience. And the family is nothing short of wonderful! But it is also isolating and I noticed a change in my mood since arriving. I really really enjoyed connecting with people from other countries while staying in different hostels in Barcelona and Valencia. This is what returned my happiness, enthusiasm, and sense of self back to me that the American 9-5 lifestyle had stolen for some time. I was isolating myself for monnnthssss back home in the states and I don’t think isolation is what I need nor want at this time. So I’ve been sending out a few messages to paid hostel positions throughout Europe and we shall see what happens from here. Before arriving to Torrelaguna, Mercedes and I had agreed on a two-week trial period anyways. It’s now been 8 days so next Monday, I will break the news to her about my decision to leave but also I have this feeling that I am not who or what she expected and this decision may be mutual. I did want the experience of what it was like to live in a Spanish home and I feel as if that is something I did get. But eating dinner religiously at 10pm each night isn’t for me, nor is the attitude of a moody pre-teen who thinks she’s the boss once her parents aren’t around. Plus I noticed that Mercedes had logged into her Workaway account, just as I did on 9/6, which would be unnecessary for the both of us to do if we were satisfied with our current situation. This happens a lot for me actually. People create some idea of who they believe or maybe want me to be based off maybe one experience we had together or because I always appear to be happy. I am much more complex than this and if you create a facade in your mind of who you want me to be, you can’t really get upset when I don’t turn out the way you falsely invented. That’s a personal problem and has everything to do with the minds of others and nothing to do with me really at all. I consider myself to be quite awesome but sometimes I want to be awesome while drinking an energy drink, so sue me. *Shrugs*

So the goal of learning Spanish is being put on pause and the goal of feeling human has risen to the top. I’m seeking genuine connections and experiences with those from other cultures who can provide me with the experience and knowledge that I would otherwise be unable to get and ideally this will provide me with what I feel I lacked in a major way while living in the US. I know I change my mind a lot but remember, everyday is a new opportunity that can lead you into a new life path. And sometimes that’s just how it goes.